


Under Cherry Blossoms

by Marta_Ayanami



Series: Of Snows, Winds, and Gods of Life [1]
Category: 07-Ghost, Begleiter, battle rabbits
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, all the headcanons, headcanons galore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-06-07 08:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 26
Words: 16,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6797335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marta_Ayanami/pseuds/Marta_Ayanami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laughter is not a crime for a human being.</p><p>Series of short ficlets. Not chronological. A sort of prequel / midquel/sequel/AU!quel ( as there's no single word for that sort of thing yet;) ) to Außer Antwort, now that I think of it. I'll usually say in chapter names which verse (canonish or Begleiter) they're from, if I don't, they're from canonish 07G.</p><p>____<br/>TBC in August, I think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 07G - Made of Life // The Litany of Hers (1)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I am going to update "Fell on your Gravesite" every Friday, so that doesn't change. But while I'm gonna write that long Yukinami future AU fic, I also want to write some short ficlets, at random times, about my Yukikaze and his king, maybe with a sprinkle of other Black Hawks and other characters, too.
> 
> Not chronological by any means. Also, it's probably be gonna about various lives, canonical and noncanical both, some inspired by Battle Rabbits (inspired only! I've only read first four chapters, so I know nothing, really), some inspired by 07-Ghosts, and some inspired by Begleiter. Anyway, saying my Yukikaze - that's because that's my 90% headcanon Kaze whom I rp.
> 
> Rated R in some chapters, but not in first ones.

#1 - Made of Life

"Laughter is not a crime for a human being."  
  
The boy - twelve years old now - looked up, surprised, at his seemingly three years younger charge, or rather, master, third Prince of Raggs Royal Family.  
  
"I don't understand," Yukikaze muttered. "I was asleep, go back to sleep and stop bothering me, beloved Krowell-sama. 'gnight. Or should I sleep with you like a teddy zile?"  
  
Krowell-sama had no teddy hawkziles, a fact of which both boys were perfectly aware. But Yukikaze was never a morning person... a morning human being... whatever.  
  
"You had dreams," Krowell continued, with an air of stiffled and bored fascination that Yukikaze came to know and regard with painful fondness. If Krowell-sama's soul was behind some steep wall, and somebody said that, Yukikaze wouldn't have been shocked. Instead, he'd have said 'okay, give me the tools' and would start digging into said wall, out of sheer fascination. Or was it that icky 'love' feeling that his mother warned him to never ever feel, or he'd be doomed to Hell?  
  
Whatever, 'Hell' sounded great right now, if Krowell was there. 'Nothingness' or 'ashes' or 'brimstone', sounded not so bad in Krowell's company, too.  
  
"I had dreams," Yukikaze admitted, restraining himself from yawning in his Prince's presence. "Dreams are not a crime for a human being."  
  
"Laughter is not a crime for a human being," Krowell repeated, almost lazily, with that bored locked-in look in his eyes still, before dozing off.  
  
Full of sudden rage, not knowing whether he wanted to murder Krowell or kiss him, Yukikaze did what could cause him to be fired - shook his Prince awake, violenty, almost breaking his arm in the process.  
  
"What did you say?! Dare you to repeat it, Krowell-kisama?! In God's name, I dare you! I'll kill you!"  
  
Kromwell yawned and opened his eyes slowly, and Yukikaze thought, that for the first time, he saw a flicker of life there instead of some nonexistent wall, but that was an illusion, certainly.  
  
"Your litany is boring, Yukikaze. It bores me, so I'm changing it. You said in your dream 'I want to laugh. I want to yell.' So, I'm bored now. Yelling is not a crime for a human being, Kaze."  
  
Yukikaze let go of his Prince and stormed out of his Prince's bedroom. Screaming, screaming until his throat was raw and maybe even then. And then, he sobbed. He didn't know he had so many tears. How could he? How come they were still streaming when the sun slowly rose up in the sky?  
  
Were human beings made of tears? He never knew. He had no idea. Oh, he should tell Krowell-sama! If the Prince was awake already, that is. It would be so rude to wake his Prince up for no reason.  
  
Human beings... were made of tears. Maybe, just maybe, he'd keep that a secret from his Prince for a few days. Or maybe, everyone already knew that, and he was just stupid, for a teenager, for an almost adult. Wait... yesterday, Krowell-sama said "Your soul pretends to have been crushed under a guillotine and dead. It's good at pretending, but I'll make it reveal itself. You won't dare stop me, because you're honest to the core. And it's too boring, otherwise." Was this... was this what he meant?! Cruel, cruel, cruel, cruel. He'd never serve such a cruel King. Going around, poking at his soul like at a frog in a laboratory. Cruel. Just too cruel. He hated this, this, this was too much of a cruelty. Why would Yukikaze want to have 'feelings'? What if they made him fall? So, why,why,why, why?! Too cruel.


	2. 07G - Killing Miroku-sama is a crime for a human being. // Not Executed Today

Thanks to his beloved mother, cadet Yukikaze wasn't in a danger of being court marshalled right now. If he ever died and went to Heaven, he'd thank her, from the bottom of his heart, as he really wanted to sleep in K---Ayanami-sama's bed tonight, not in jail.

Somehow, he hasn't murdered Lloyd-san on the spot. Good, good. Good. Deep breaths, Kaze-chan, he imagined his mother's voice, deep breaths. No emotion. Not for a human being of your lineage. Emotion is a crime, for a human being. Deep breaths.

"Excuse me, Lloyd. What have you said?"

"I said it's a farce. Why have you applied to Black Hawks? Because your lover is there? Well, unlike your lover, you're no Warsfeil! And you're one of the best swordsmen, Miroku-sama won't let you be Black Hawks' canon fodder. So quit daydreaming and break up with that lover of yours. Or just quit the Army, if you only came here to be some Warsfeil's slave."

_Murder is a crime for a human being._

Litany was working. For now. But if tomorrow, somebody found Lloyd's body in a river, who could blame him? Overseer of Heaven? Pshh. Overseer of Heaven had looked into Krowell's eyes and didn't know the man loved his daughter. In other words, Overseer, if he existed, was blind.

Yukikaze was only a human being, and even he could see, whenever Krowe---Ayanami-sama dreamt. Could see in his Prince's eyes. And he was no God! So what sort of God---only a blind one.

 

 _Seeing this is a crime for a human being_ , what his mother would surely say if she knew echoed in his head painfully.

 

"Lloyd. I want to kill you. But I won't do it, because I want to become my one and only Prince's Begleiter tomorrow. I'll talk to Miroku-sama. Make him reconsider his decision to not let me join my Prince's unit. Goodnight and may God be with you."

Lloyd didn't say anything else to him that day, suddenly looking terrified to death.

Kaze's mother's mantra was always working. His Prince might hate said litany, but how many times would Yukikaze have been executed without the litany to fall back on? So, his Prince just didn't understand. The power of said Litany.

For a human being.


	3. 07G - Human beings bleed red, and that's no crime // The Litany of Hers (2)

#3 - Made of Blood

Harlequins were stupid. And cheesy. Moronic, too. The first kiss was nothing special, certainly, no more special then a second one, or 789th one, for sure. The first kiss didn't burn one's very soul, wasn't a seal that left its mark, didn't make one feel as if one would be glad to die right now, because every happiness has already been experienced.

What was it, then, the fire at the very core of his being? Was it an emotion?

 

_I'm sorry, Mother, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry._

 

_Oh, but why should I apologise? I'm 13 years old, well, almost._

 

_And this wasn't a kiss. Not even a kiss. Just a scientific expetiment, Mom. I haven't kissed my Prince. I haven't felt any fire in my very soul. I haven't! And he felt nothing, Krowell-kisama, he never feels a thing, as if there was a wall, some kind of hellish wall, oh and how I wish I had one! His one! Because I need one, and he doesn't, so let's exchange already! Krowell, that moron, that.... But I know it was no kiss, no love's first kiss at all, as there's no love between us._

 

_For he cannot love, and I musn't love. Funny, isn't it, mother? I won't love. It's a crime for a human being of my lineage to love. But is it a crime to remember yesterday??_

 

Yesterday. How could he forget? Even had he tried, even had he tried again and again, oh he was almost sure that if he strangled himself right now, he'd still remember YESTERDAY in his next life, so maybe he should just go and find some Kor right now just to make sure!

Yesterday. It all happened yesterday. And the fire in his very soul still burned, even though he mustn't love, even though Krowell was now busy reading boring Bibles and no longer even rememebered the taste, surely. Even though Yukikaze was the only one who cared - no, not cared, not cared--- ( _Caring is a crime for a humang being of y... Caring is a crime for a human being._ )

 

And it wasn't even a kiss, not a true, passionate, romantic, real, great one! If it was, he would now just be able to write a suicide note, and jump from the window, and then Krowell would find a note, and maybe pretend to feel a thing, and it would be all so--- dammit---romantic!! But he couldn't even have that, because yesterday was, most assuredly, no kiss!! And really, Yukikaze wouldn't mind dying out of love. Scratch that, Yukikaze wanted to die out of love. Why not? Some human beings did that. If he died for love, maybe even Krowell would love him for a minute or two, who knew!!

Still, yesterday was no kiss.

 

_Do you bleed red?_

_What?_

_Do you bleed red? In your sleep, you wondered._

_Of course I bleed red, Krowell-sama. Look, just let me bite my lip - o, here. Red. Red like a sunset. I think my mom said my father bled black? But I doubt that._

_And the taste?_

_Huh?_

_Does it taste red or black?_

_Ph, see for yourself, dear Krowell-sama. I can just cut my finger a little, and then gather for you to drink or---hey, wait---_

_Dark red._

_What?!_

_Your taste. With a hint of pink._

_Now that's just nonsense! I hate you, dear Krowell-sama!!_

 

 

Something in his very soul still burned. And then, Yukikaze, the son of human and Warsfeil, giggled. He soon stopped as the sound terrified him to his very core.

This sound... he could make such a sound?

Well, he was never going to let beloved Krowell-sama hear such a sound. Never ever.

Hmm, was that called revenge?

A crime, wasn't it? But it tasted so sickeningly sweet, he almost wanted to have some kind of revenge on his beloved Krowell-sama everyday from now on. Every. Single. Damned. Day.

He yawned and dozed off, dreamlessly, with the sickeningly sweet taste of such a 'revenge' on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: 10 year old Krowell was trying to see the colour of Yukikaze's soul, though he doesn't consciously know that this is what he was trying to do. And with a seal on himself, he can't do that very well yet - though he can almost see, very dimly, if he gets into direct contact with blood.


	4. 07G - Not worshipping the Overseer is a crime for a human being // The Litany of Hers (3)

#4 - Made of Nightmares// Lack of Worship for your God is a crime for a human being// Made of Love

 

He turned and turned on the snowy floor (it was hard to keep snow out of their tent, now, wasn't it? So cold, even as he snuggled closer to Krowell-sama. Krowell-sama was less warm, nowadays, physically, that is. Less warm then before Dahlia-sama changed everything ever.), and turned and turned again, his body desperately trying to wake up from a fake nightmare born of The Litany but his mind didn't quite want to wake, some part of it always fascinated at the fear the nightmares made him feel, fear - fear, like in a real human, and not a pretender.

_Yuki-chan, Yuki-chan, remember, fear could lead you to those Kor things, to ask them for things. Yuki-chan, remember, fear is a crime for a human being of your---_

_ah, a short breather in nightmare?_

_No, a nightmare again? But was he asleep and having a nightmare, or was this real after all? He could never quite tell till his Prince told him one way or another._

_But he recognised the ugly throne before him, he's seen it in 'Illustrated Bibles for Ye Small Children'. And so, the Man on the Throne could only be---_

_"Yukikaze. I granted you a pure, beautiful soul, even though your whole family was full of Sinners. And now, how do you repay me? Siding with Verloren???!!!"_

_"No, not really, Overseer-sama. It's just, it's just, my Prince--"_

_"Your Prince is Verloren!! Do you know what a human being would do in your place, Yukikaze? Do you know what you should do?!"_

_"I do know, Lord Overseer of Heaven. As a human being, I should betray and kill my Prince--"_

_"Verloren! And it is impossible to betray Verloren, for he hath already betrayed this whole world. Yourself included! And your family - executed because Verloren exists! Have you forgotten?!"_

_"No, I haven't. That's alright, my Prince's betrayed me, so what? Thousand years ago. And even now, he may betray me out of boredom someday, because betraying me will be more interesting, because he doesn't know that it's not that I don't expect it. I do expect it, if he's Verloren! And I also don't. So, either. Either's fine."_

_"Kill him! Or I shall execute you like your wretched family."_

_"That's alright, but I'm scared of execution. So - I will just kill myself, if you please, Overseer-sama. Okay? And then you can turn me to ashes or something. Because suicide is a crime for a human being. Just - if you please - give just a handful of my ashes to my Prince. Or he'll think I went back home without telling him, and he will be cross with me. And I don't like it."_

_And he began to strangle himself. And he thought - oh, it's so easy. Good, I really don't want to be executed. I don't like---_

_**************_

_"-Kaze" did someone touch him?_

_"-Kaze" ouch, did someone poke him? So rude, he had to suffocate quickly now, why was he being interrupted_

_"Yukikaze!" Krowell? No, couldn't be. When Yukikaze went to sleep tonight, so long after midnight, Krowell was busy, as he often was nowadays, remembering his encounter with Seven Ghosts thousand years ago. Zehel, Profe, Ea, Landkarte-- oh, he really felt he didn't have much air now. Hm, maybe he would manage not to get executed._

**"Yuki-chan!!!!"**

_**Mother? Oh, mother was calling him to wake up, he should wake up** _ **now.**

 **"** "Yes, Mom?" Yukikaze asked sleepily. Somehow, talking hurt.

Ouch. What--

Ah. Krowell had suddenly slapped. Wow... such passion, coming from Krowell. Would this leave a scar? He'd love it if it left a scar. A keepsake.

"Why... did you hit me, my Prince? Have I overslept? I'm sorry, I'll go hunt or steal some breakfest for us right now."

Oh. His Prince looked livid, somehow. Such emotion. He shouldn't do it before breakfest, Yukikaze thought sleepily. Because if Yukikaze got aroused before breakfest, then whatever would he do with such an unfortunately timed thing? Krowell only ever slept during nights, and honestly, Krowell only ever slept with Kaze during nights, too.

"I'm going to take it."

Such a cold voice. And Krowell-sama looked much less livid now. Oh, well, cest la vie, as one would say in Sem--- wait, what did Krowell-sama say?!

"Uhm, no, Krowell-sama! My mother would always say exercise shouldn't be done on empty stomach!"

His beloved Prince looked bemused for a second (another visible emotion! Thank Heavens for Dahlia-sama) and then looked at his servant thoughtfully.

"What?" was all he asked.

"N-nothing!" Yukikaze yelled, blushing furiously. And then, suddenly, he coughed. And remembered - because his body had to remind him, unfortunately - that he's almost managed to strangle himself while sleeping, just a moment ago.

"Don't die today, Yukikaze. That's an order."

"Ah... alright. Yes, not today," now it was his turn to be bemused. "Uhm - we have those maps I've stolen yesterday. So, Krowell-sama, even on your own, you would find the way to the Barsburg border. I promise!"

"Don't die today. And one more thing - I promise I will take your soul. And so - I heard you sleeptalking - and so, there is no problem. Your soul will never face the Overseer."

"Take it...? You mean - with Vertrag's powers?"

"Yes. I will take your soul, when I have them. Because your soul is one of my treasures in this life."

Yukikaze wanted to blush, or to answer, but he just then fainted, for an hour.

Apparently, almost dying from strangling oneself wasn't too healthy for a human being.

However, while unconscious, deep inside, Yukikaze was close to shouting 'eureka' for all the world to hear, as he's realised something. Krowell-sama, his surly faced Krowell-sama, Krowell-sama who hated cutesy nicknames, called him 'Yuki-chan' (Krowell-sama knew from Kaze all about Kaze's family), called him 'Yuki-chan' even if that could be distasteful to Krowell-sama and for one reason, and one reason only.

To save Yukikaze's life.

That was----no, that surely was---ah, yes. That was a love confession.

And it only took almost dying. Ah, he would never have guessed that loving a Prince who happened to be an angel of death incarnate, and having that love reciprocated - that it could be so easy.

Mhm, Bibles and his mom's romances lied about love being difficult and full of suffering and turmoil. Love was - easy, and comfortable.

Treasure. He was his Prince's treasure. Now he could die with no regrets, no matter when. After such a heartfelt love confession.


	5. 07G - Losing an arm would be a sin for a human being // The Litany of Hers, Again

#5 - Made of the Litany of Hers// Losing limbs would be a Sin for a Human Being// Unforgivable - never cut me with that weapon again

 

"Yukikaze!"

"Heey, sleepyhead, Yukikaze~~"

Yukikaze yawned and sat up on his hospital bed, a bit too comfortable for his tastes. Whatever, anything to satisfy his beloved King's whims.

He grinned.

"Well, since Yukikaze's in such a good mood, maybe I won't have to bring any souvenirs for ill and almost disabled, after all~. Next week, that is."

Wait, what? What did Hyuuga say? Not about the disabled part, that much was clear, though only temporarily, luckily. Two days ago, Yukikaze's almost lost his left arm while protecting his King from a sudden enemy strike from behind. Mhm, now that was going to be a fond memory for Yukikaze. Especially since he was quite sure that even with best healing Zaiphons, he'd keep a scar for the rest of his life, even if he lived to be, what, very old? Like 40 years old. How weird would that be? Anyway, he'd have some real scar this time, to see later that it was real, and that he truly succeeding in that risking his life for love business that was still so new and so _humane_ for him - every time he thought of it, he almost wanted to laugh like a child.

He who never laughed like a child when appropriate.

_Laughter is a sin for a human being of your---_

"Oh, I didn't know you know how to, Yukikaze. Wow!~"

Yukikaze's right hand went to his mouth when startled, he realised what Hyuuga-kun meant. He - he, himself - was laughing for five seconds now, without realising.

"Glad to see you in such a good mood, Yukikaze. And that your arm didn't fall off, after all. <3 See you in a month! What souvenirs do you want? A live puppy? Or maybe some live enemy soldier, if they aren't all too boring?"

A month?

"A month?!!" Yukikaze yelled, loud enough to wake a fellow patient, another Black Hawk, up. Not that he cared.

"Yup. Aya-tan and me are going on a mission. So, see you, Yukikaze!"

"I'm going, too!" Kaze protested, immediately, without thinking.

"I don't think so. Aya-tan doesn't want your arm to fall off, you see."

"I'm goin--"

"Ah, almost forgotten. I have a message from Aya-tan~ I don't understand such foreign words, so I have them on paper, here. And learned how to say them by heart, Aya-tan was soooo strict, said I absolutely have to get it right! Some kind of spell for Yukikaze?"

"Words?" Yukikaze uttered, paling. No, no, no. His King promised to never use this worst blade, this Litany of Hers - of Yukikaze's mother, the one she taught him to survive - against Kaze. His King promised never to utter a single sentence of it to his Begleiter! He wouldn't break the promise. He wouldn't, would he?

"Words," Hyuuga said cheerfully, and judging from his face expression, Yukikaze believed that the younger Hawk truly didn't understand the gravity of the situation. The betrayal. Yukikaze was almost twenty years old, now, not some small child to feel bad about being betrayed, but sill, if this was really what he thought it was going to be, in a second, it hurt, it hurt--

"What... words?" Yukikaze asked, trembling. Maybe he should try to strangle Hyuuga-kun right now, no matter how fond of him he was growing, or cut his head off, or--

"Let's see, here... I hope I say them right, I really don't know this language. Uhm~ Ah, that's how it goes, so, from Aya-tan - with love, I guess, though he didn't say that<3- from Aya-tan: _Dying young is a sin for hyuman being of your lain..lin...:_ Ah? He's sleeping like a baby. So sudden! Mission accomplished? Bye, Yukikaze!"

_Unforgivable._

_Unforgivable._

_Could he ever forgive his King from saving him from this mission like this... no... for cutting deep into him with the Litany... no, no, no!_

_Unforgivable._

Seeing Yukikaze sound asleep, Hyuuga cheerfully left the room. No idea what Aya-tan relayed to Yukikaze through him. What kind of sleeping spell was it? Oh, well. He'd never understand what was going on between Aya-tan and his Yuki-tan, anyway. They were weird like that, sometimes.

And he didn't mean in the bedrooms, that was the simplest part. No, he meant in their souls. Oh, well. He'd get there someday, too.~ To Aya-tan's soul, maybe. Hopefully.

 


	6. A Sklave to Love

#6 - To be loved is to be a Sklave// She just wanted him to survive, to stay alive... how cruel

"Stop this!"

The instructor quirked his brows and glanced at Lloyd, who suddenly screamed something strange during the history lesson. So Lloyed immediately quieted down.

However, after five minutes, he leaned closer to Yukikaze who was sleeping (stealthily sleeping, the teachers rarely noticed) next to him, still writing things down even in his sleep, with his left hand, while using his right hand to do something that caused Lloyd to yell.

Yukikaze suddenly blinked awake, as if the barrier between sleep and wakefullness was only as thin as a blade of grass to him, always. What did his roommate want with him again? Was this about the fact that Yukikaze didn't spend the night in his own bed (again)? Well, his Prince's nightmares were much more important than some mere sleep of his. Because how else would K--Ayanami-sama ignore the nightmares and fall asleep again, without Yukikaze's company and some of... ah, he really should check the Barsburg words in dictionary. Some exercise for just the two of them, let's say.

"Stop this, now!"

"What?" Yukikaze asked, perfectly oblivious.

"Touching your own neck like... like this! As if you might decide to suffocate the moment I'll take my eyes of you, you moron!"

"Ah, no, I wouldn't. I want to live. For myself and for my Prince. In fact, lately I was thinking, living forever with my Prince would be so romantic---"

"Ayanami isn't a Prince of anything!"

"Mhm, Ayanami-sama isn't a Prince of anything." Yukikaze agreed, smiling cheerfully.

"But you've said---"

Smiling softly, Yukikaze continued "A thing. In your language, a noun, meaning - a thing, meaning an item. I am not an item. Nor am I a Kor, or a Wars. I am not a thing. So in fact, what you said is truth. Congratulations, Lloyd. Now listen to that teacher of ours and stop talking."

"You say the weirdest things. I will send a request to change the rooms soon, but for now - stop touching your own neck like this."

"Ah, but Lloyd-kun's mistaken. I am not currently touching a neck of mine. What I'm presently touching - I was not quite aware, thank you noticing - is a memory."

"Memory of what? A Sklave Collar or what?" Lloyed tried to joke drily.

"Ah, yes. _Bingo."_

"This last word, it sounded Raggsian. My fiancee is from Raggs, can you teach me the language, Yukikaze-kun?"

_"I cannot."_

"I didn't catch that one."

"I've said - I'll ask my Prince, but I am uncertain of the results."

Lloyd just sighed, and let the topic go for now.


	7. 07G - First meeting of future kin // No Litanies allowed

#7 - First Meeting of Future Kin // Made of Conflicting Emotions

This evening, he knocked on the door, to be polite. After all, now, here, in this foreign military Academy... Hoburg... he no longer shared a room, or a tent, or a shack, or a some soil, with Krowell-sama. No, Ayanami-sama, now, he reminded himself.

_Forgetting the past is a Sin for a--- oh, shut up, Mom's Litany. I'm an adult._

An adult who blinked away his drowsiness, and knocked on the door again. Maybe Krowell was out, he liked his evening walks after all, especially when it snowed, like today. Then, only the roommate would be here. Some insignificant stranger.

Still, he was slightly curious who was there, possibly being a nuisance, possibly a threat-- right, he should check Krowell-sama's roommate. What if that guy killed Kro---Ayanami-sama in his sleep (whole two to four hours of it) while Yukikaze wasted time sleeping in another room?

So he ceased knocking and kicked the door open.

A boy Krowell's age was dozing off at the desk, with his homework half-done... not really. There were doodles of Wars and Kors on the page, and also a doodle of some flowers, and of a rainbow, and an autoportait of a dozing boy, of course one of him awake. And grinning stupidly. In sunglasses. So, in other, K--Ayanami-sama's roommate was a lazy truant artist.

If asked for an opinion about the boy right now, Yukikaze could honestly say that at the moment, he had none.

" _Starting out with a clean slate. Well, I can always just kill you later, if I'm wrong."_

The roommate - Hyuuga, wasn't it? Hyuuga-san yawned and sat up straight, suddenly looking straight into Yukikaze's eyes.

"Ah, Ayanami-tan's brother. You're not as cute as he is.~"

"Brother?" Now Yukikaze finally remembered to use proper language - Barsburg language - here.

"Oh, was I wrong? You followed him all day like a hawk, or a loyal doggie, and you're an old geezer who pretends to be my age - so I thought: here we go, some overprotective elder bro <3 ! Was I wrong?"

"No, Hyuuga-kun," Yukikaze answered, suddenly very matter of factly, not a shred of emotion contradicting anything in his voice, because he, too, had looked into Hyuuga's eyes, and recognised what he saw, sunglasses be damned.

_Of your lineage._

"Hyuuga-kun is absolutely right, I'm Ayanami-tan's overprotective older brother. As Ayanami-tan's overprotective older brother, I shall smite any and all hidden Warsfeil who touch as much as a single hair on Ayanami-tan's precious head. Is that clear?"

"Boo, that's too bad. His hair's so shiny, I wanted to touch them, too. Don't hog your cute little brother all you yourself. Not faaaaiiir~"

And suddenly, Yukikaze knew that Hyuuga knew that Yukikaze and Krowell were no brothers. And so, he laughed - fortunately, so did Hyuuga. And maybe, just maybe, Yukikaze was allowed to laugh just a second longer, if he did it quietly, hiding his own laughter in that maybe dangerous weirdo's.

Kin. The most dangerous thing, but the one thing that Yukikaze longed for, somehow, since his mother was no longer in this world. But Hyuuga-kun wasn't kin. Only a potentially dangerous Warsfeil. He'd tell Krowell-sama immediately - ah, did Kro--Ayanami-sama had some control over Warsfeils already or not? Yukikaze had no idea.

"Elder brother-kun, I have a question. <3 Do you know who he is? Because I can sense it, but you certainly can't."

"You can sense that he's your Master?" Yukikaze asked, now calmer, so curiosity crept into his voice.

"Bah, why use such heavy words, elder bro-kun---"

"Yukikaze."

"Yukikaze. Stop with heave words, they're making me stressed out! I can sense that Ayanami-tan is---"

"Is?"

Hyuuga leaned closer. "That's a secret."

Yukikaze, in turn, crouched down to be even closer. "Yes, it is a secret. But I already know, so you can whisper it here."

"I can sense that Ayanami-tan is--- very cute!"

Yukikaze tried to slap Ayanami-sama's 'kin' immediately, but it turned out that the boy was just too fast for that to happen, doging easily, with that damned grin on his face.

That's it, Krowell-sama should apply for a roommate change. Immediately. And Hyuuga-kun should get executed. For being a Warsfeil, naturally.

 


	8. A Sin to Touch Him, but I want to, more than anything

**#8 - More than anything, I want to touch you. Even if your touch turns me to ashes. It never did, but that's because of Raphael, will it now? I'm fine with being ashes for you. Who cares about feathers?**

**Ashes, ashes... No, I'm scared of being ashes. I won't touch my prince anymore.**

_Touching Kors or Warsfeils? Heh, heh, stupid Yuki-chan, you're a human being, don't do that.  
_

_Don't do that._

_Don't do that._

_Oh, look, stupid Yuki-chan, got yourself marked by one of Kors I 'met', silly Yuki. Let's get you to the Church._

_Stuuuuupid, stupid._

_No place to play for a human being._

_A human being._

_A human being._

_A human being._

_A human---_

 

He bit Krowell's lip, hard, and pushed him away, screeching. He gathered all his clothes, his own servant clothes and clothes of the knight wannabe that he had been, and ran out of the delapidated shack, still screaming, the Litany ringing in his head, no collar on his neck, but he was still touching his neck guiltily.

He didn't turn back to look at Krowell's face expression, he'd rather imagine it bored, or perhaps, maybe just mildly perplexed.

What did he scream to Krowell again, a minute ago? Before screeching? What did he say to his Prince, a moment ago? _Don't touch me again, you're Verloren now, I don't want to turn into ashes. Don't touch me, my Prince!! Stop this!!_

And so suddenly, even though Yukikaze was the one who began, today. Oh. Now that was slightly embarrassing. And he couldn't even use his age to excuse such a childish outburst, he was 17 years old now.

Oh.

Well, then. Hopefully his Prince wouldn't be offended?

Yukikaze sighed. He may be good at pretending, but even he couldn't pretend that Krowell-sama wouldn't be offended at Yukikaze's sudden childish rejection.

Oh, well. Maybe he should lose an arm or a leg for his Prince to patch things up? Was that an adult way to apologise?

Probably not. Right now, he was hopeless.

He sat on the ground, suddenly too cold for his liking, and let himself cry a little. Just for a moment. He didn't go back to their tonight's temporary home that night.

However, after an hour, he realised, with a sudden shiver, that he's just gotten a frostbite, and that he might die of hypothermia tonight, after all.

But now he was morbidly curious. Would he turn into ashes? Oh, well. _Let me freeze, he thought. Freezing's not an execution in any civilised country._

But suddenly, he felt something slightly warm. It was just Zaiphon, enveloping him, a bit too warm for his liking, though he knew it to be a healing sort. 

"Can't I just freeze in peace?" he muttered, but there was no venom or bitterness in his voice. He was fond of his Prince's Zaiphon, sort of, though he was never sure which of the two - as his Prince had two - felt nicer on his skin.

*****

_What? His sister laughed. You want to touch a Wars - because you're curious? I didn't know you were suicidal. Oh, well, I'm not leaving anything to you in my will._


	9. 07G - Upon a shooting star // Of Other People's Dreams for Me

#9 - To Wish Upon a Star Would Be Pitiful // Made of dreams, but I do know they're not Dreams of Mine. Mine? Can't see them past hers.

He sometimes wishes Krowell-sama wasn't Verloren.

Ah, it's been two weeks since Krowell-sama begin speaking to him again. No matter. Whether they conversed or not, Yukikaze still stole food for both of them, prepared vacant shacks or their little tent, checked which way to the border... Sometimes he wished Krowell would even realise that something was being done, and that they were getting closer to Barsburg, now... to safety? Who in Go--Verloren's name even knew?

Why would they be safe? Whose bright idea was it to go to Barsburg, anyway? Even in Barsburg, they could get executed, for the sin of being Warsfeil.

_For a human being of your lineage_

Of course, Yukikaze wasn't a Warsfeil. And he didn't even have to lie about being one. 

_You're honest, Yukikaze. How boring. But I like the smell. It smells like sakura._

_Really, my Prince? I thought it'd be tulips.  
_

_Hm. I thought one of your commandants was no joking. It's nice to see you sin, for a change. Less boring. Sin more often today - it's an order. Because this history textbook is putting me to sleep._

_No, Krowell-sama, because--  
_

_Just don't tell her. Neither will I._

_No._

They would be found out as Warsfeils. They would get thrown into prison and executed. So what was the point, again, of going to Hoburg? Searching for one of his Princeling's Fragments or what? What for, when they were going to end up beheaded or worse?

_Nothing's worse._

_Or maybe ashes. But aside---_

Still, Yukikaze wasn't a Warsfeil. He could say that honestly. He could survive.

Yes, he could survive without his beloved Prince. He could picture it all clearly in his mind. Meet someone, maybe a king of Barsburg, or just Dahlia-sama, why not? Accuse Krowell of being a Warsfeil before anybody else does it. Get off scottfree, as he was just a poor, young, innocent, seduced servant, manipulated to serve the Big Bad, and why wouldn't they pity him? He looked so honest, after all. Everyone always praised him for being so honest.

Yes, indeed, all that would be perfectly doable, now wouldn't it? He smirked. And what of solitude? He could just find someone else. Somebody else, somebody not Verloren. A real human being, a man or a woman who was neither an angel, nor a ghost, nor a, what, a dragon? Not a Kor, not a Warsfeil. Somebody perfectly dull and innocent to share his life with.

"What's wrong?" Krowell-sama asked suddenly, and Yukikaze had to suddenly end his own reverie.

Krowell-sama... certainly saw his face expression. Crap. He was dead now, wasn't he? Pretty soon.

"N-nothing. It's just... well, Krowell-sama, well..." he smiled softly, and looked down, "to be perfectly honest, I've just been daydreaming about stabbing you in the back."

"I see. Now, check our fireplace. I don't remember how to, you always did it."

"I was daydreaming about betraying you!"

"Mhm hm. I already knew about your tendencies to hurt your own soul, no need to shout. Now, check this fireplace."

Yukikaze growled. Wasn't Krowell-sama taking him seriously? Well, let's see him taking him lightly now!

He rushed forwards and grabbed a knife, pointing it at his beloved Prince's throat.

And then, when Krowell didn't react, instead turned to look inside the fireplace, Yukikaze thought that something inside of himself exloded in anger, for the first time in his life. So he drew a few droplets of royal Raggs bloodline, from his Prince's very neck, at that, glaring at Krowell-sama all the while.

And then he put the knife down.

"It's really out."

"What is?"

"The fire in tonight's fireplace. You're too slow, Yukikaze."

Yukikaze looked down now, sheepish. The anger? The anger was in the past, now, and Yukikaze never believed in the past, or so he swore to himself at least.

"My apologies, Krowell-sama."

Krowell just nodded idly, while healing a small cut on the neck. That, too, was the Past, and so, Yukikaze for a second barely believed it happened.

Somehow, he wasn't dead.

"Yukikaze?"

"Yes?"

"You do know about the colours of the souls. I can see them, now, though only barely. Since Raphael."

"Ah, yes?"

******

This night Yukikaze couldn't sleep, too busy wondering what exactly did Krowell-sama mean. Was it written, somewhere deep inside Yukikaze's own soul, in a language that Yukikaze himself couldn't read, that he'd never - ever - ever - betray his Prince?

How quiant.

And what a relief. He didn't know himself, and so... he was lucky to have Krowell-sama at his side. Krowell-sama, who, unlike Yukikaze, seemed to know and understand Yukikaze's thoughts and feelings.

Was that _love?_ That, and not things written in bibles or harlequins?

If so, then, for the first time, Yukikaze liked _love_ , if only a little. So he put the word into Zaiphon form, with difficulty, and fell asleep hugging it. Of course, it was in Raggs language. Ah, he should begin to teach himself Barsburg soon. Really soon.

 


	10. Outsider's PoV, or something

#10 - Made of Life, Redux // Outsider's Perspective? Or Something.

 

******

"Hyuuga-kun! Hyuuga-kun, Hyuuga-kun!"

The military student continued to pretend that he's asleep. Somebody else might've found it hard to stay 'pretend-asleep' while another person was violently shaking them awake, but Hyuuga-kun knew that Yukikaze would never hurt him, for their own definiton of 'hurt', just as he would never hurt Yukikaze. They were both ' _the kingsmen'_ , of the same 'king', after all, and though Hyuuga maybe didn't share the exact sentiments (King? King of what? Would somebody please tell him?~~ No, of course not. Ayanami-tan and Yukikaze-tan, and their foreign language talks especially during hanamis or when the moon was full, he was soooooo used to it by now---

"Hyuuga!"

Oh. No '-kun', so something was wrong. Something regarding Ayanami-tan, even. Hyuuga 'woke up' now.

"Mhmmm?"

"I just had a thought - well - no matter what some people would prefer, well, I - I'm mortal."

"So am I, Yukikaze! Welcome to the club, goodnight, sweet dreams~"

Yukikaze _was_ slightly weird sometimes, wasn't he?

"It's not that! It's just... you don't understand! He has it all wrong. About himself. But I can't tell him, because I've been with him too long. So he wouldn't believe me. So you should tell him. About that he has it all... wrong."

Hyuuga yawned, already giving up on trying to understand the babbling, and turned away.

"Oh, forget it!" Yukikaze yelled, turning away, too. And then pouting. It was probably the most childish Hyuuga-kun's ever seen him, though really, compared to Aya-tan, it wasn't cute at all.

Yukikaze then said a few sentences, in the foreign language at that, as if mocking Hyuuga's inability to understand it. Also those sentences sounded toooooo poetic for Hyuuga. What, did Yukikaze change his career now and became a poet instead? Or was he encorouging him to learn it. No chance in Hell. Either way, what a waste of a good night~

Some words sounded almost understendable. Maybe he'd check them tomorrow in dictionary, during some most boring history lesson. Unless the words were even more unimportant than history, that is. <3

Yukikaze left the room already, slamming the door behind him. Apparently he's decided that telling Hyuuga is pointless after all. Good grief, _that guy._

****

The history lesson was definitely the most boring lesson Hyuuga has ever not slept on, and so, he snuck away to the library instead and took (without checking, because who'd want to waste precious time of one's life with formalities? He was mortal, too, whatever _that guy_ thought. Maybe slightly less, but in the bigger picture - not much. Whoever would die first really was a coin toss, wasn't it? How they would die was already pretty obvious, more or less, so that guy should stop fretting over details already) a dictionary. Raggs-Barsburg dictionary, naturally. Hyuuga wasn't allowed on their dates, perhaps, but he was neither stupid nor blind. He's discovered which foreign language they were using as their own code.

Alright, just some words, not an essay or something similar that he'd expect from bookworm Yukikaze, so, easy enough sentence. Good, that guy knew Hyuuga wouldn't bother with it, otherwise.

_bibles_

_are_

_fuck_

_stupid_

_call_

_him_

_death_

_god_

_because_

_since_

_he_

_know_

_he_

_is_

_there_

_life_

_inside_

_his_

_eyes_

_again_

_because_

_he_

_exist_

_god_

_of_

_life_

_instead_

_but_

_he_

_ignorant_

_of_

_that_

_and_

_that_

_why_

_his_

_love_

_for_

_Eve_

_be_

_every_

_so_

_painful_

_so_

_tell_

_him_

_this_

_once_

_if_

_I_

_do_

_not_

_time_

_enough_

_later_

_to_

_say_

_this_

_promise?_

_and that as well_

_for_

_me_

_not_

_painful_

_anyway_

_because_

_his_

_wings / feathers / bird / soul  
_

_still_

_shine_

_black / dark / night  
_

_shine_

_is_

_shine_

_still_

_so_

_make_

_heart / soul  
_

_feel / belong  
_

_light / ground / sky  
_

_as  
_

_Heavens/ Angels  
_

 

Buh, some words were tricky.

 

Oh, so that was it. Oh, well - death was part of life, so naturally, a god of death - Verloren - would be a God of Life, if one only thought of it. Hyuuga rarely bothered with poetry, so he couldn't say whether he thought of it, much, but that guy? Hyuuga knew, even after only a year and a half of knowing him, that that guy was, plainly speaking, obsessed with life, moreso than with death, and if some god told him that he had to die a thousand times in order to later live properly for a day or two, Yukikaze would have done so with no hesitation. An with an earnest smile, at that.

Huh... Mhm, that guy was a little bit on the weird side.

But he really hasn't signed of for reading that guy's love confessions to 'king' today. Soooo embarassing.

Heh.

When Hyuuga returned to class, Lloyd gave him a dirty look. Heh, jealous people were amusing. 

 

 


	11. Ausser Antort - *Shiro's bestest Unclah Ever!!!!!!*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This probably won't make much sense without reading Ausser Antwort.

^^^^^11^^^^^My bestest Uncle Ever!^^^^^^^^

Uncle Katsuragi was the bestest. Bestest bestest and that was just truest stuff.

Sakura always, always, always wanted to see dad more and see dad's boss more, the lavender eyed angel demon whom dead man loved. Sakura wanted to know. Sakura wasd curious. And besides, Shuuri was no fun.

Yes that mattered to that, too. Mattered most absolutely.

And Sakura tried to sneak into Bird Office.

There were birds, he knew. He heard about Hawks from Dad and less from Mom and no from Shuuri, Shuuri didn't believed there were birds and called him stupid and Shuuri was stupid because Shuuri was stupid because there were birds or angels because hawks and lavender eyes and---

And Katsuragi was the bestest, really.

"I can go there, Katski-san? Really really?"

"Really, really, Yukikaze-chan."

Yukikaze was the dead man's name, and Sakura sometimes got confused dead man with Sakura and so Sakura didn't minded when others confused, too. Because maybe Uncle Katsugari...Katsuragi.. could see the dead man in him, too. Sakura - Shiro, Uncle Katski maked up that secret name for him - Shiro didn't minded that Uncle Katski could get confused.

So to avoid confuse, Sakura not Yukikaze, was Shiro now, for Uncle Katski only, Uncle Katski because his name was difficult to say more than ten times. Katsugari, too looooong.

And so, Uncle Katski invited Shiro to Bird Office always every day, and hid Shiro so nobody knowed it. Shiro loved watching, hidden, watching his less known but real Dad and watching lavender eyes, too. And silver hair above those eyes. Somehow, maybe the dead man liked it. But Shiro didn't knowed if dead man liked Uncle Katski much but Shiro liked so that was that and all.

So Shiro wasn't smiling when that day, today, instead of Uncle Katski hiddenly, Dad suddenly goed and put Shiro in Bird Office, openly. Shiro got used to go hidden there. But Dad didn't hided him, even.

Though? What would Lavender Eyes say? Dad looked to thinked would be happy, but Shiro haved no idea at all.

Oh, if only Uncle Katski would come and tell him with certainly! Then it would be great.

Uncle Katski would come for sure. Uncle Katski always knowed where Shiro was. Uncle Katski always knowed where Lave--Ayanami-sama, was. Uncle Katski always knowed where Dad was.

Bestest. Hide and seek with him was bestest too not too long or too boring and Uncle Katski can pretended not knowing and that was bestest, too. So cool.

And so, when Uncle Katski came to Bird Office before Ayanami, Shiro was very, very, very happier, too. Though maybe dead man from dreams and memories when fevered would be not very happy, Shiro feeled.

But Shiro was happy.

And so, when Uncle Katski greeted him with a smile, Shiro---

**********

He ran.

********

Couldn't even turn back, because, there was no time to do so.

 

****

Uncle Katski was bestest. Why, then, Shiro could hardly recall?

****

Now, after so many years, eight-year-old Shiro Mizuno was quite sure. There was never a Begleiter called Katsuragi-san in Black Hawks. Psh! If there was, Shiro would remember such an 'uncle' clearly. No, Katsuragi was some kind of imaginary friend for a lonely toddler Sakura, certainly.

What was then, the terror he felt, though he could not remember?

The constricting feeling... what was that, if 'Katski' was an imaginary friend?


	12. 07G - Made of Lust // That's what true humans are allowed to do, but not when they're born of Warsfeil

# 12 - Made of Lust // Made of Conflicting Desires // Made of 'Fuck Litany of Hers, Enough!' // Made of "Banishment was a Blessing of Gods"

 

It's been two weeks now, though he wasn't counting.

Fuck it. Fuck it in the name of Overseer, Ghosts, Michael, Raphael, and Verloren, he was fourteen years old, missed his Prince with his Soul, Mind, and Body (fuck! he wanted to be a Ghost, he's heard somewhere that their bodies were as good as that, he wanted one like _that_ , would be oh so easy. Fuck! And it's not like he wasn't still a virgin, because, let's face it, his beloved Prince was still a kid, and now he'd never see him again, anyway. So now he'd die a virgin, like his mom wanted. Because - it's not like he'd be opposed to doing this with at least five other fun people he's met? But his Prince was no fun, and a child, younger than him, and besides, he's always imagined that his dear Prince would die a virgin, too, and besides, if his Prince wouldn't be first, nothing would even _feel_ true, afterwards), and he _was_ counting.

So, yeah, he was counting.  Two weeks, ten days, eight hours, three minutes, and 44 seconds, as of right now. Well, he had a watch, at least. Altough... right, it stopped working for two months once. So in reality, his time's stopped once, and now it was... for real... ah, Yukikaze never knew how to measure time without a watch. Maybe because the passage of time was one of those things that he's barely believed in, anyway?

And now, after all...

He shouldn't have done that tiny little thing. Well, his father, judging from his books, liked reading about old rituals, and that should be a warning sign, anyway. Maybe Warsfeils were allowed to do the 'blood brothership' kind of thing. Maybe they weren't. Maybe it didn't matter, because being a Warsfeil meant being executed young, anyway. And Yukikaze lucked out on not being a Warsfeil.

_of your lineage_

_dying young is a crime for a human being_

_human_

_human_

_human_

If he was a Warsfeil, he wouldn't have fainted. Of the ritual. His Prince didn't faint, didn't lose consciousness for more than a few seconds, even though his beloved prince was

_a human being of_

_no, no of_

_what was he thinking?_

_a human being_

_just a human being_

as well. So, not only was Yukikaze a human being, he was also a week human being. One that fainted from just doing a tiny little thing - blood brothership, in the ancient way, coming to an inch... before his Prince's healing Zaiphon...

Ah, but coming to an inch of...

_crime_

_sin_

_trying to die is_

... felt so good. And he wasn't trying to die, he was trying to _live,_ Mom! And now he felt so alive.

He hoped, hoped, hoped, hoped, _prayed,_ that this silly little ritual, for a second or two, made his beloved Prince feel so alive, too, that some part of his beloved's Prince mysterious wall around the soul (why only Kaze saw it? Were Krom and Ver Kreuz blind? Yukikaze was only human, but sometimes, he swear he almost saw a wall in Prince's eyes, a wall around how _alive_ his beloved Prince could be, and on how much hatred and love he had to _give,_ and it was all there for the taking, behind a damned wall that gave his Prince headaches while reading words such as _Ghost, Eve, Overseer, Verloren...._ Was his Prince Eve? Maybe not, maybe yes, maybe it'd make no difference.) crumbled during the silly little ritual.... that for Yukikaze felt so stupidly important. Because he was a fool

_foolishness is a sin for a_

and foolishness felt like Heaven. So more fool the wise.

 

He's made his vows, during the silly little ritual; his Prince made none, which is what was to be expected. Too many words, potentially irritating for the damned walls in Prince's eyes. (Why could nobody see them? What was needed to see them for

_a human being_

if other human beings could not, even priests?)

 

So. Two months and two weeks?

Oh, well. If not for whatever excuse his beloved Prince had used, his Prince's father - right, Yukikaze's King ( _I guess_ ) would have executed Yukikaze on the spot, probably. And Yukikaze _loathed_ executions.

_Attempted murder suicide? Wasn't the case, I wanted to scream, said nothing. Ancient rituals of brotherhood were ancient for a reason, I... guess. Nobody does them anymore, nobody loves their own soul brothers anymore, nowadays, and I do know that._

_****_

And Litany of Mom. Hated, beloved, hated, beloved.

_Don't confuse fear with loathing, baby. My Yuki-chan. Fear for your life, but never hate. Because, for a human being of your lineage, one blessed not to be one of Verloren's demons.... my beloved, blessed Yuki-chan, blessed never to serve Verloren, never to die for Verloren. Yuki-chan, a human being like me..._

_******_

Two months. Felt like ages.

 

Oh, and two weeks. And also---

 

'So silent. Only means that Yukikaze's talking to himself in circles inside his head. So, shut up and listen. It's not like I left the Palace for long.'

A familiar voice - a most familiar voice - in the 'doorway' of his tent, as Yukikaze liked to call it.

A cloaked child pretending to be a cloaked man, sneaking away from the castle where everybody fretted over him, _how naughty - that is, how adorable._ Eh, he couldn't even desire his Prince during such a moment when his Prince was being so cute.

'Yeah, I'm talking to my own soul in circles, Krowell-sama, but I already know all my soul's replies, so I'm starved for a better conversionalist.' Kneeling before his Prince now, hiding his relieved smile behind left hand.

_Smiling at your superiors is a sin for a hu--_

_'_ Ouch! Hey, attack Zaiphon isn't a courtly greeting. Look, now my hand's bleeding for no good reason, Prince. Do behave.'

 _'_ 'Yukikaze was the one who wasn't behaving,' his Prince replied, shrugging and dissipitating the rest of the Zaiphon. Wow, that was a large ball of attack Zaiphon, Yukikaze thought, and blushed though he wasn't sure why. It's not like Zaiphon... did anything. In that way. Er... He really hated puberty. 'Yukikaze wasn't behaving, hiding his greeting for me behind his hand. There was a face expression, which is rare for Yukikaze, and you hid it. So I behaved correctly.'

'Mhm, you're right, my Prince.'

'Don't.'

'Why?' Yukikaze asked cheekily, already knowing the answer.

'I hate it when you indulge me.'

Was that a shadow of a pout? Or was Kaze's imagination?

'Then pay me back, when you're thirteen. Indulge me.'

'Ah, that's right. Because Yukikaze wants my body, I know. Then, you can take it. When I'm twelve. Which is tomorrow. Because waiting is always boring, and I'm going back to the Castle in a week, so that they don't kill everyone for letting me wander around and probably get killed. Or whatever it is that my father fears for me.'

And now, Yukikaze couldn't help blushing slightly, and he wasn't even allowed to hide it - dammit, maybe with his right hand? His left one felt almost paralysed right now, so that wasn't too good. Krowell hit some nerves with his Zaiphon, surely. Damn, he was _good._ Yukikaze would never be able to have Krowell-sama's precision with Zaiphon, he just knew it. Somehow... even that, made him think of stuff. Carnal stuff. Puberty was also a sin, surely. Good thing his mom couldn't see him now.

 _'_ 'I don't want your body, Krowell-sama! Only - the company of your mind, and soul, and---'

'And body. Always honest.'

'What?'

'Yukikaze's eyes are always honest. I wonder how. I've rarely seen honest eyes. Ver Kreuz has them, too, and mother had. But not father. And Yukikaze has them. Is that why I like you? I wonder. Maybe not. Honest eyes are irritating. I don't have them, even when I try.'

'That's not so, my Prince! They would be honest, if not for those clouds. Your eyes, I mean.'

'Clouds? Are you talking about your imaginery 'wall again'? Stop, that always gives me headaches. And stand up now, kneeling bores me.'

'Yes, my Prince.'

'So. Tomorrow,' Krowell-sama said, matter-of-factly, and Yukikaze wished that fainting from bloodloss from small hand wounds was possible.

Unfortunately, it wasn't.

Not for Kaze, at least.

And so, he couldn't hide his blush.

Maybe his Prince was right. Maybe Yukikaze's face really was infuriatingly honest.

Tomorrow? Was that a promise, or a threat? Would his beloved Krowell-sama take him by force, even if Yukikaze still hesitated, because it wasn't good manners to bed one's own Prince in one's own small tent, for the first time, instead of doing it in some more luxurious place?

If it was a promise, it could be broken.

So Yukikaze hoped it was a threat. Because he's desired his Prince's touch for two years now.

Damn puberty.

It really was a sin, mom was right.

'Tomorrow!' Yukikaze replied, unnecessarily, almost giddy with happiness now. Still, to issue such a promise, or hopefully a threat... in just two months and two weeks, did his baby Prince... miss him, a little bit?

For that, Yukikaze would gladly die a virgin right now, nevermind puberty.

But heh, he was getting ahead of himself, just a little. Krowell-sama... seemed to have no capacity to miss people. It just wasn't physically possible.

So. Imagination. Surely. Imagination that his Prince missed him, when truly, his Prince was probably just slightly bored without him.

 

********

And what else does _I've missed you_ mean, for a human being, if not slight boredom?

Yukikaze always tried... to be dishonest with himself. Why... am I not successful anymore, he's wondered.

Must be Krowell-sama's fault. Yeah, he's to blame.

 

_Damn puberty, Princes, and boredoms._

 

 


	13. Can you feel the love tonight?

#12 3/4 - Can you feel the love tonight?

 

'Tonight'.

'What, Yukikaze?'

'Go back to the Raggs Castle tomorrow, my Prince. So take me tonight.'

"Fine, I'll induge Yukikaze for a change.'

'Because I'm always indulging you? And now, this is our first time. And I'm only a servant - a former one, banished from Castle premises now - who 'tried to kill you', and a son of a Warsfeil, at that, so I can't take you, Krowell-sama. And for good manners- and so I don't get executed - I will defend myself. So take me by force, Krowell-sama.'

'Very well. That's what you wanted, anyway, so spare me the excuses. Defend yourself from me whole night, Yukikaze, and I'll take what's mine, anyway, at dawn.'

'Shut up, Krowell-sama.'

'And why?'

'Because that's an underhanded tactic. All my defenses will crumble.'

'I'm attacking you tonight. Spare me the excuses about fairness. Ah, and your face looks good when you're blushing.'

'My Prince, if somebody sees us... I still don't want to be executed. Even for my pleasure - or yours. I apologise---'

'Yes, yes, if somebody sees us, I'm raping you. Now shut up and stop being so crude.'


	14. 07G - He cheered for the villain, the poor, hopeless, godabandoned thing, sentenced for execution. Not for hero who always basked in glory of Gods.

#13 - He cheered for the Villain, the Poor, Downtrodden, Executed, whom God abandoned and whom shan't Bask in Hero's Glory // Who said my Prince is the one who is Possessive one? Heh, you don't know me.

 

 _The hunter shot the bear and so, the bear spat Red Hood out. The bear, mortally wounded, ran into the forsests. There, he found a small hawkzile and tried to eat it, but culd not, coz was bleeding too much from stomach. Small hawkzile could see the Bear bled too much too eat and so small hawkzile was no longer a'frightened of Bear ~~executing~~_ ~~~~ea _ting the small hawkzile. And so, small hawkzile had a big ide a in his small head, and so said:_

_'Bear, if you bleed out, you can't eat any small hawkzile. But if you don't bleed thanks to I, then you can ~~exe~~ eat any small hawkziles who is not a me. I have heal zaiphon, Bear. What say you?'_

_'Heal me, Small Hawkzile, and you shall be mine."_

_'What does 'mine' mean?_

_'It a means your will have a true purpose - to walk forest path with me, and never again a alone. And that I will kill any a Bear who attack you, and I will not attack you unless you ask me to attack you, and then i will, only at your ask. That means 'mine.;_

_'Mine. I agree, said small Hawkzile, who suddenly felt so big as an oldest forst tree. But will you Bear be 'mine', too?'_

_'Yes, because if 'mine' is not mutual, then there is no 'mine' at all, only false people's lie that you are 'theirs' and you are not, not if 'they' are not say they are 'yours', too.'_

_'I see, Bear. I will Heal you, so you are 'mine'. You can eat any Red Hoods later, but only on my watch, so if the Hunter shoots, Hunter shoots us both. Because you are 'mine' and I am 'yours' and we are now both 'Bad Guys' - both, together, not alone. And so, no Hunter can shoot us alone, unless htere are tow Hunters or three or eight. See? 'Mine'._

_'Min_

 

Yukikaze frowned, because the red crayon he was writing with - he chose a crayon at random - broke in half. It was an old crayon, anyway, over a year, he got it when he was five years old. Oh, well, the fairytale alter...alater... different ending he thought of, was lame, too.

Maybe, years from now, he dreamt of the forgotten fairytale ending, though he changed it up a bit, in a dream, because it was too stupid, otherwise. But it still ended on two single words, though in his dreams, the crayon was no longer red, but lavender, instead. And the Bear was the one who had Healing Zaiphon, not the Zile.

' _Mine.'_

_'Yours. Mine.'_

_'Yours.'_

_'And so, we can be in this exile together.'_

_'Yours. One and only, My Prince. Mine.'_


	15. Begleiter - #1 - Made of Doubt and Excuses // His Heart was still an Uncertain Thing for Him

B#1 - Made of Doubt and Excuses

 

"I can just resign, you know, Ayanami-san" Yukikaze Kari said, exasperated. "If you wish." Taking somebody as a Begleiter against his will, just for some trivial reason - that was no way for Ayanami to live, surely.

"If you wish", Ayanami-san replied. So matter of factly. And with the same words. Was he mocking him?

Infuriating. So that really was all there was to it, wasn't it.

"Fine. I'm resigning," he said, with all the finality he could muster in his voice, proud of his own voice for not shaking at such words.

Ayanami just nodded, not looking up from his paperwork.

Infuriating.

If that was all, then all seemed more and more like 'nothing.' Just... what was this past month, then? Just some awkward gratitude of Ayanami's? And that was all, nothing more? Fine, then. Yukikaze needed neither gratitude, nor pity, nor sympathy. Because neither of those things was... love.

And he inwardly cursed himself for being such a hopeless romantic.

He kept observing Ayanami from afar, though. Observing him and Hyuuga, sure that now Hyuuga would become Ayanami's Begleiter, just as both of these men wanted, certainly.

Why, then, one year from that day, Ayanami still had no Begleiter?

And then, one day, there was Hyuuga in his Yukikaze's doorway. Insolently blocking it, at that.

"He wants to see you."

Hyuuga said it with such certainty that Kari's heart skipped a beat. "Has he... said that?"

"Are you kidding me, Kaze-tan? Of course he hasn't. And are you calling me a liar? He wants to see you~"

"No, he doesn't. He doesn't even care whether I live or die, not anymore. He's already shown me gratitude enough, so, it's over now. I'm no longer anybody to him. And you know that."

He wasn't sure what he expected, but a slap on the face wasn't it.

And then, he's realised. Hyuuga... Hyuuga knew Ayanami-san a bit longer. And so, maybe Hyuuga knew something that Yukikaze didn't.

"He..." rubbing his cheek, without giving it much thought, he just had to ask now, now or never. "Ayanami-san... Ayanami-san wants to see me? Are you certain?"

"More than of my own name. Eh, why did Aya-tan had to have such a stupid fiance..."

"Well, you're stupid yourself! Who hasn't told me this half a year ago, huh?!" Yes, he really was trying to push some blame on Hyuuga. In later, calmer moment, he will apologise to Hyuuga, but not now.

"Thought you'd get a clue yourself, stupid guy." Hyuuga muttered, but nobody's heard that, as Kari was already running to Ayanami-san's office as fast as possible. "Besides, had to check if _I_ have a chance. Checked thouroughly - oh, well, nothing to it.  <3"


	16. 07G- #15 - But I don't wish I was... and for a good reason, don't you think? // Made of Impossible Wishes or rather Whims, as that's not My Wish, Sorry, I Shan't

#15 - But I don't wish I was... and for a good reason, don't you think? // Made of Impossible Wishes or rather Whims, as that's not My Wish, Sorry, I Shan't

Yukikaze leaned closely, looking at Krowell-sama's essay. Krowell may have been a beloved prince, but he still had some strict tutors. Yukikaze loved it - at times like this, Crow-chan (his very secret nickname for the boy, never spoken aloud.. and sometimes, he wondered what his beloved Krowell-sama would think if he knew the nickname. Well, the nickname would never be spoken aloud, anyway, inwardly Kaze swore he'd take the too cutesy nickname for his Prince to his grave someday. His own grave, not the Prince's, that is. And besides, the Prince was fourteen years old, far too old for cutesy nicks.) seemed almost like an actual, flesh and blood, real... human being. And even prince's eyes looked positively human right now - focused on the task, slightly bored, but could pass for an actual human focused on the task and only a little bored with it.

"Krowell-sama," he asked, after five hours, slightly bored because he's already done everything there was to do - finished reading the history book, made Krowell-sama's bed, made order in the Prince's books... he forgot what else he's done, it apparently wasn't important. "Krowell-sama," he asked, kneeling at his prince's side - not just to show respect, because respect was always there, what's the point to show it, but mainly to be at his eye level. "What are you writing? Is it for history lesson in an hour?"

"Mhm. Michael."

"About Archangel Michael?"

The third Prince just nodded, not stopping his writing. But suddenly, Krowell-sama dropped the pen.

Oh. Yukikaze knew very well what it meant. The letters, certainly...

"Krowell-sama, did the letters come flying from the page again?"

Krowell just nodded, wincing.

Yukikaze gently picked the page and tore it to shreds. It was slightly childish, and it wasn't a cure, but it was something he'd done once, long ago, and continued to do ever since when he didn't know what to do, as nobody had seemed to found any actual cure to the... illness? No, it couldn't be. It was something... something else, that illness wasn't an appropriate word for.

"Thanks for killing the unruly letters, my Yukikaze." Krowell murmured, still wincing slightly, and very pale. It was a habitual response in this kind of situation, and it either meant nothing, or it meant _Well, you're trying to help, Yukikaze, inaffectually, but... I still appreciate the trying thing._ Yukikaze could never tell for certain, not yet, though he imagined he was getting close, after the tenth time this happened, to discerning the actual meaning.

So he kissed his Prince's hand, both on impulse and because he always did it at the times like this, and stayed silent.

It could be seconds, or minutes, or ages later, that the silence was broken brutally. And not even by Ver Kreuz or Krom or some servant or some knight, as usually at moments like this. No, but by Krowell himself, inexplicably.

"There's something I won't write." It was said quietly, which meant, Yukikaze knew well, that it was for Yukikaze's ears only. Now something like that happened only once a week at the best of times, and so, Yukikaze pushed all the thoughts away, to better treasure _the here and now_ , because only the here and now existed, especially right now.

"Hmm?"

"I won't write this: if the Eye of Michael had Yukikaze's personality, it'd be far superior than it is now. And I'd steal it from father and use now. Since it doesn't, I shall wait for my turn."

"Are... are you serious, my Prince? I do apologise, my Prince, but I don't wish to be an Angel. It's just... too terrifying."

"I know. You were 'blessed' to be born a human, and you're terrified that somebody will confuse you for nonhuman and execute you. You've told me already, I'm not stupid."

"I haven't told you!" Yukikaze protested, voice raising in panic. "I've never told you! If I have, I must have been drunk! Or half-asleep! I've never told you, because I don't want you... I don't want you to kill me. I know you will misunderstood, and I know I've sometimes lied about this, but you're the one person I want the least to be executed by. I'm sorry."

Krowell shook his head, looking mildly exasperated, but no longer wincing.

Yukikaze had to supress a smile because this meant that the 'letters-headache' had passed.

"You can smile, my Yukikaze. I won't behead you for that, you know. Your mother had lied."

"I know. I know."

"Huh, I can see it now. Why you like the word 'know.'"

"Why do I?"

"It's your way of saying _I want to believe you, but I don't._ Yukikaze..."

"Yes?" He asked, now intrigued.

"I'd hate to disappoint you," a smirk. Now surely the headache had passed, wonderful "but you aren't very clever. Instead, you're pathetic."

"I know."

And for a moment, Yukikaze thought both of them would laugh. They were certainly close to doing so. Maybe someday, there would be no imaginary barriers in their souls. And on that day, such a silly thing would make both of them laugh.

What a day that would be.


	17. 07G - I Love You, which is to Say, I Wanted to Hear You Say It. And then the world broke.

# 16 - I Love You, which Is to Say, I Wanted to Hear You Say 'so Do I', that's a naive Dream of Mine // Just Before the World Broke

 

"I love you, Krowell-sama." Said while dressing him for the ceremony, they both hated those stuffy clothes. Well, inasmuch as Krowell was able to loathe anything... maybe slight dislike, a step below total indifference?

"I don't have time to bed you right now, my Kaze. You know I'm already five minutes late for that Dahlia's ceremony, and I'm a Prince, even if youngest. Even if I'm no heir. Still, I do need to keep up appearences and not be even more late."

Yukikaze turned red. "That's not what I meant!"

"But that's when you usually mention your lust. When you want me to take you. Though we both know how laughable it is to say that I'm taking you - that's only a cover up, for if anyone sees. So that you're not executed."

"What do you mean, my Prince?" Yukikaze honestly had no idea right now. What... how? How was it just a disguise? When his beloved Prince was always the one who initiated... well, everything they did, everywhere, not just in bed, but in more important matters, too?

"I like you, Yukikaze, and that includes your body. However, I'm not sure I feel... carnal desires. Maybe I do, but they're sort of dulled, just like you say my eyes are. And so - we have sex when you say it's time for it. That's how it always is."

"I don't understand! I've never said--"

"Said? Yukikaze is so honest, there's never a need for words. That's what I like - it's relaxing, reading Yukikaze without words. With words, you sometimes try to lie, and that's fine, too."

"So when you say I'm honest, what you mean is--"

"Your soul, my Yukikaze."

"But I don't know it!"

"Because you dislike looking in a mirror, that's the only reason. Otherwise, Yukikaze would know his own soul perfectly. It's very clear."

"Clear?" Yukikaze was flabbergasted now. He always thought... that he's managed to hide himself, but if his Prince could see him so clearly, then who else--- ah, speaking of selfs!! "My Prince, can you see your own? Your own soul? Because, maybe I'm mistaken, maybe you don't see that wall--fog--clouds? I don't know. Maybe you see behind them? I mean, I know nobody can see any soul, not truly, we're not Gods, and we're not Ghosts, but what I mean is--"

"I can't."

"Huh?"

"I can't see my own soul. This fog or wall you're talking about - apart from me and Ver Kreuz, you're the only one who's noticed. That's also what I like in you, Kaze. I wonder... is it because you're honest? Ver Kreuz is honest, and he can see the fog. Father can't see the fog - obviously. However, I wonder--"

"What?"

"I'm late."

"We are." Yukikaze corrected, almost smiling. "If you say _we,_ I can share the blame for your 'lateness'. That's what _we_ is actually for, I've learned - to lessen your burdens. Or is that not okay?"

"It's fine. I don't mind it. You can take all my burdens if you wish, just don't get yourself executed by them before I kill you."

"Yes, Krowell-sama."

 

*************

"What did you wonder, Kro--Ayanami-sama?"

"I don't know what you're talking about so suddenly, my Yukikaze."

"Back then - just before _the day_ \- what did you wonder?"

"I have millions of new ancient memories, and you expect me to remember trivalities? Shut up."

Yukikaze smiled tightly. "Alright, Ayanami-sama."

"Ah. My name - you've finally..." he trailed off.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Kr---Ayanami-sama shook his head. "It's a survival 'thing', my Yukikaze. No more, no less. You'd do well to remember that."

Maybe he'd never know what Krowell wondered about back then. And maybe he'd never know whether Krowell - Ayanami - would ever say 'so do I' like he so wished. Still... _mine. Yours._ That still remained, so all was well in his soul, which he couldn't see, which _he_ could see. So maybe, instead, he should ask _him_ whether all was well with it or not. If he didn't ask Krowell-sama, what did it mean? That he didn't want to know or--

"Kaze."

"Y-yes?"

"Since you're bored enough to have an impromptu existential crisis, like you do, could you do my homework? It's too easy for me, and I have other plans - namely, Hyuuga is going to teach me swordfighting. We have a sparring session in an hour. You're invited, too, if you get that homework done by then. I hope you do, Hyuuga's irritated expression is always amusing."

Yukikaze brightened suddenly, all 'existential' thoughts pushed away. His prince's homework! And a date with his Prince and Hyuuga-kun! This was going to be a wonderful day.

"Yes, Krowell-sama!"

"I swear, if you ever say that name in somebody else's presence, even Hyuuga's, I shall murder you. Brutally. Preferably you soul, too, but I lack certain powers so far."

"Yes, Ayanami-sama!"

"Better."

Since K--Ayanami didn't say 'execute', the threat wasn't real - if it was meant to be real, or at least slightly meant to hurt, the word 'execute' would be used. Yukikaze knew that much. And so, he was still grinning like a child during festivities.

He also knew that K--Ayanami-sama didn't know, not consciously, only subconsciously, and that's why 'execute' would only appear when Krowell-sama truly was in a foul mood. In other words, Ayanami-sama was more or less happy right. And so, Yukikaze laughed. And got a weird look from his Prince for that.

Mhm, his Prince didn't believe in 'happiness', and so, his Prince never knew when he himself -Krowell, Ayanami, Verloren, who cared, some poet once said, after all 'a rose by any other name--' - was truly happy. But Yukikaze knew. Yukikaze always knew. When his Prince was glad, or happy, or relaxed, or upset. Yukikaze always knew that, now.

That was, after all, his life's achievement. Once that he'd not trade for a thousand boring, calm, happy lifetimes. Because he'd rather be glad than happy - he knew that, now. And with such an achievement - well, if Yukikaze died tomorrow, he'd fine with that. He didn't believe in tomorrows, anyway.

Wait, he was still in military academy, that was no time to die. Probably later, someday after Academy. After all, soldier die, and he'd be a soldier, so he'd die, someday, for his Prince and not for some random strangers, hopefully. Logically speaking.

Mhm. Life was great. It's been great since he's been blood brothers with someone who, apparently was known as a god of death, but Yukikaze knew better - that was just a misnomer for the Angel of Life, because some people who wrote bibles were dense... and didn't understand that Kro--Verloren truly was perfect, in an imperfect way, and that death was a tiny part of life.

People could be so dumb, really.


	18. 07G - #17 - You're not the Only One // Oh, Ask Him About That

**#17 - You're not the Only One // Oh, Ask Him About That // Dialogue Only // His Monopoly (with some Allowances)  
**

 

 

"What did you do to him? And when? He was like that already when the two of you came waltzing in to Hoburg! So, what kind of strange hold do you have on him? Some family history? Blackmail? Or was he in some prison and you helped him escape? His eyes... he sometimes looks like a fugitive. And those Raggsian words that sometimes sleep out... and he's a Warsfeil, isn't he? So did you save him from being executed, somehow, Ayanami-san?"

"Lloyd-san."

"Yes?"

"Are you finished?"

"N-no! You haven't answered my question. It's like you have some strange hold on my roommate's soul, and I _demand_ to know the reason! And if you say 'ask him' - well, why can't I ask the source, so to speak, directly? I'm no fool!"

"Quite of one, frankly. And I don't have a hold on your roommate's soul just yet, so quiet down."

"Just... yet?"

"I shall have it in the future. And believe me, he wants to have his whole soul in my hands, so there's no problem. His is the very first soul that will be there - or the very second one, if I'm more successful than I expect."

"What? W-what?" What kind of stupid riddles--

"Hm. Not a fool? Then, if not by that name... a fool by any other name, as my Yukikaze would say."

"Your Yukikaze?! What is that, some kind of perverted monopoly of yours? On him?"

"Ah. Well, I'm no messenger. Tell him of your lust yourself, I believe he'll be quite receptive. That is, unless I forbid him from meeting you like that. One more word and I will."

Lloyd fell silent, as he was beginning to believe... in that strange, inhuman monopoly that smelled to him of something far darker than he could imagine.

"Good boy." Ayanami - classmate who somehow was a stranger - said, smirking. "Now, as I've said, I'm no messenger, and you see him every other night, so tell my Yukikaze yourself, whatever it is that fools say when they have carnal desires. I won't forbid it - on a condition that you never speak to me again. If you're too irritating and talk too much, my Yukikaze won't do it anyway. I know his tastes well."

 

God. Lloyd hated that classmate, Ayanami. Why in Barsburg did he have to fall in love (though hopefully, maybe just a passing crush) with Ayanami's strange lover? Why did Ayanami's lover had to be Lloyd's roommate, and so handsome at that, even with glasses (though he looked better without, in the evenings...)? Was that some kind of Verloren's curse or what? Not that Lloyd believed that Verloren existed. Though whether he did or not, he'd never meet him, fortunately.

But then, Lloyd decided he couldn't stay silent, just couldn't. For... Yukikaze's sake, right?

"And you don't even love him! You never told him that you love him, right? Because you don't! And I know you've never said - I've heard him sleeptalk--"

"Hm, so his mother still has a hold on him. Thank you for information. Maybe I shall tell him tomorrow."

"Tell... him?"

"That I love him. And now, you do know that you will never have sex with my Yukikaze?"

"What?? How would you know---"

"Because I'm forbidding him, from this very second. I'll tell him in an hour."

 

Hmph. As if Yukikaze was some kind of slave. Lloyd decided to take that as a challenge.

And then, years later, he's realised that Ayanami was right, he never did have sex with Yukikaze. Never even truly kissed him. At least his crush almost passed by the time when Yukikaze, of course, obviously, did what he did. Which was only to be expected and Lloyd knew, that whatever his first thoughts, even if he had been there back then, it still would have happened, because what could he do?

After all, he knew his roommate as well as a fellow human being could. (Yukikaze wasn't a Warsfeil. Well, who knew? He certainly always gave off an impression of being one, what with an outward pretending (too hard) to be a sane human being.)

Oh, but Lloyd certainly took some pleasure, even if that was just petty envy or whatever, in knowing that whatever mystical hold on Yukikaze's soul Ayanami wanted to have, he didn't have the time to get it, by the time Yukikaze died for Ayanami. Lloyd was certain of that. Some people thought that Ayanami didn't mourn for Yukikaze, but they were fools, who thought humans only mourned with their eyes. And not with some other things. Like the bags under Ayanami's eyes that happened sometimes before, too, true, but they were bigger after _it_ happened. Like the missions done in two hours instead of in one, or in one instead of in four. Like the slight paleness upon smelling the scent of cherry blossoms.

Yes, some people were really idiots, and blind ones at that. Lloyd knew Yukikaze well, and it was impossible to know Yukikaze well and not have a slight window into Ayanami's soul, an illegal window, or maybe a small crack, but still. That was something unique, still.

And a secret, because Lloyd didn't want to die. And because he didn't want to die, he never visited Yukikaze's grave until Chief of Staff Ayanami died. Because he was no fool.

Although... even when he went there, for the first time in his life, there... five days after Chief of Staff's death, just to be on the safe side... he still had an indescribable feeling, as he felt Ayanami-san's scrutinising, though maybe not as displeased as expected, gaze on his back and on his face at once, when he came there, so he left rather quickly, immediately after leaving flowers.

Just his imagination, though. Surely, it was just his imagination.

 

And maybe, just maybe, Yukikaze's gaze, too, slightly exasperated. Though with Yukikaze, it was always hard to tell exact emotions.

It was just his imagination, though. Certainly. And no wonder Yukikaze's look was shorter than Ayanami's - maybe Yukikaze spared Lloyd a fraction of a second, at most, in that imagined look - because, heavens, or hells, or wherever, Lloyd knew Yukikaze must have, very secretly, missed his... what did he call him once, when sleeptalking? His Prince, and now they were reunited, so...

Mhm. Just his imagination. That was the better choice than to think that maybe he brought some flowers that Yukikaze didn't really like, ever, and Yukikaze just gave him a slightly patronising smile for that, from heavens or hells.


	19. 07G - Short Dialogue // Made of What? // You mean, human beings aren't animals? But they are.

**#18 - Made of Same Stuff that God Made Plants and Animals of // You mean, you didn't know, Lloyd? // Short Dialogue or an Imitation of One as He Imitates a Real Human even if He Is One**

 

"Stop it, Yukikaze."

"Stop praising you for your skills?" Yukikaze sounded bemused. Though how sincere that was, Lloyd could never quite tell.

"Oh, good, you stopped. That smile of yours--"

"Alright, Lloyd-kun, I shan't ever smile at Lloyd-kun again, as per Lloyd-kun's honest request," Yukikaze said, with a serious face expre---no, not serious, his eyes were laughing the most Lloyd's ever seeing them laugh when not in Yukikaze's lover's (or slavedriver's, Lloyd still wasn't sure) presence.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. Stop looking at me with _this_ smile, as if some kind of clever dog who's learned a few neat tricks!"

"Alright, I'll stop." And Yukikaze bowed - to show, as Lloyd was beginning to realise slowly, the utter insincerity of the statement, or utter misunderstanding of Lloyd's request. "Oh? You look angry, Lloyd-kun. Even though I've just praised your sword skills. How strange."

Insincere again. And again. How utterly frustrating.

"Don't talk to me till midnight, Yukikaze, or I'll smack you."

"Alright," Yukikaze said, with an honest and not faked this time, cheerful, purposely oblivious, carelesness, that wasn't any kind of naivete, Lloyd knew that much. Yukikaze sometimes existed that he was naive, but Yukikaze was a complete liar. Was there anyone he was honest to?

Ah, right. Him. Ayanami. Naturally. Ghh.

"Yukikaze, listen, do you... ah, nevermind."

Yukikaze just nodded, and continued sparring with Lloyd. Wordlessly.

Geez, what had he done? Yukikaze was stubborn, so if he said 'no words till midnight', then it would happen, no words till exactly midnight, wether fire, flood, earthquake, or Raggs War, or Antwort War, happened.

In that one thing, Yukikaze was no liar.


	20. 07G - Pandora Was Her Name and She Bore No Shame // Made of Hardships or 's what I've Heard Her Say // Her. Another Her Broke My World. This is Why Women Scare Me to Death. I Want to Get Killed by a Man, because a Woman Would Easily Send Me to Hells.

**# # # - Made of Hardships // Born of Women // It Was the Woman Who Opened Pandora's Box // Pandora Was Her Name // Shameless Pandora // But She Was Made That Way By Men, and so, the Shame Was Not Hers to Bear**

 

The young servant, knight-in-training, recently, too, grabbed the Princess, the almost Queen, of Barsburg, by the Throat.

After all, he knew what he saw. He saw Krowell, eyes less focused than ever, and he saw THE WOMAN, her hand on Krowell's chest, her Zaiphon - no, her Raphael - doing something, he knew not what.

She was startled. Anyone would be, being suddenly grabbed by their throat like that, and Dahlia was no different.

Surely, she, too, knew very well that she was mortal. Yukikaze could see that in her eyes. He didn't know her, not at all, but still, even with her Angel, wasn't she just a human being?

"There was... a seal on this prince... don't you... want him... to be free... and not in... such discomfort?"

Yukikaze let go of her, upon hearing her utter such alien words, words he could barely understand... what was she saying?

No matter. He'd get executed tomorrow, certainly, for assaulting the Princess, no, the Queen. So who cared? Who cared what she meant? He threw a quick glance at Krowell-sama. His eyes were still emptier than ever, but... he was alive. Good. Alright, fine, now Yukikaze would have to get ready to be executed.

 _And the very thought of it scared him, almost to death. Maybe he should just take a sword and kill himself safely and comfortably right now. Maybe he should. Krowell wouldn't even see it, Krowell was seeing something else right now, so if Yukikaze did it right now, Krowell-sama wouldn't be there to be upset about it._ All would be well.

"Don't you want him to be unsealed? I don't know what's sealed in him, but it must be hard for him. And you're looking at him as if he's your god. You... want your god caged? I don't understand."

Ah. Dahlia's words were continuing, now, still barely understendable to him, and not just because she wasn't the best in speaking Raggs. No, it was something else.

"Do to me what you're doing to him. If it doesn't break me, I'll let you continue - unsealing." He replied, now resolved.

Dahlia shook her head, seemingly sadly, though he wasn't certain.

"There is no seal on you. What am I supposed to unseal, servant? No seal on you."

"Touch me like you touched him. With that light. If that doesn't break my soul, I'll let you continue touching Krowell-sama. Then, and only then."

"But there's no seal on you. It'll do nothing."

"Then do nothing. Then, continue." He was resolved, and he wouldn't cave in.

"Alright. Uhm, nothing will happen to you, but your memories will be so clear from today on, that you will never, ever, forget any second of any of your lives, even if you try. And you won't be able to not feel anything that you feel, no matter what. You won't be able to forget a thing. But, nothing will happen to you, besides, because you have no seal. Shall I, mister cautious personal servant?"

Yukikaze just nodded.

 

**Omake**

"Since you're doing this," Her Majesty, Dahlia, whispered, apparently confidentially, "does it mean you're his lover? Or just his food taster? Though Raphael isn't food..."

Yukikaze stiffled the laugh that was coming, somewhere from the innermost depths of his soul and his heart, and forced himself to sound almost serious and passive.

"Food tester, my Lady. I'm definitely a food taster."

And then, somebody else, somebody who was not the Lady, though it had her eyes, looked at him and 'tsk'ed at his apprently too transparent lie.

"What?" Yukikaze asked, now slightly irritated. "Can't one's lover be one's food taster?"

"I suppose they can," the unexpectedly beautiful Angel answered, pouting.

"I think you'd have nice wings, if I could see them."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," the Angel answered, blushing slightly.

"Can Krowell-kun hear us right now?"

"Probably not, he's busy almost remembering being Verloren."

"Huh, strange. Well, I suppose his wings must be prettier."

"Hey!" Raphael seemed irritated now.

"He can't hear me, so I can say it right now. Or are you jealous of his wings?"

"He doesn't have any!"

Yukikaze sighed. "I had no idea Heaven's Angels were so sadly literal. What a miserable life."

"H-hey!! You do know I can break you, don't you?"

"Ah, but that would be unfitting of a lady. Besides, Krowell-kun's looking at us."

"No, he's not. Not really."

Sigh. "I know. And dear Angel, let's never tell my Angel that you touched my soul, because he may think strange things of me then. It shall be a secret, between the two of us, alright?"

"Alright. And 'know', hm. Has somebody ever told you, Yukikaze, that for a human, you know a great deal of things that you don't believe at all?

"Oh, Krowell-sama, almost. Once."

"So you know."

"I know."

"Even know, you know from me, Raphael-sama, that your Prince is the Reaper, the God of Death, but you don't believe it."

"I know."

 

**Omake 2**

 

"Yukikaze, did something happen to your soul? One month ago?"

"Eh, I can't quite remember. It was a very busy day, Krowell-sama."

"Hmm..."

"Really, really. Now, what are we supposed to do with our tent? There's only ice here. Maybe you should thaw some ice, my Prince?"

"...fine."

It was a month since Yukikaze's last heard 'my Yukikaze' from Krowell-kun, he was beginning to miss it. Eh, dealing with Angels was a sin for a human being, and quite uncomfortable, too.

And he'd exchange it for absolutely no other thing in the world.


	21. Ausser Antwort - Stop calling me that.

**# - Stop Calling me That, Dear**

 

"Blackie, stop calling me that. You've been my husband for a year now, so why won't you start using my real name? Haruse-san had used my real name when I asked him to, remember?"

Oh, wait, maybe he shouldn't have brought Haruse-san into the conversation. Now dear seventy-years-old Blackie would make Shiro spend the night on the - well, couch if he was lucky - but most likely on the floor.

"Heey, Blackie, I didn't mean it like that---"

"I know! But Shirokaze-san is Shirokaze-san, that's how it's always been! What am I supposed to call you now, Sakura?! Or maybe Yukikaze?! Or maybe a kitten?!"

"Calm down! I didn't mean---"

"I know what you meant, and I'm sick of it! Unlike most people, you remember all your lives, so why can't I call you Shirokaze?! You're my Shiro, and you're Ayanami-sama's Yukikaze, and you've - always - been - both - so -stop - the - pretending! Or I'll divorce you."

"Stop throwing tantrums, Kuro-chan, you're told. Of course I'm both yours and Crowie's, and I've always been, just like you're both mine and Haruse's and that's... That's just fine."

"Stop pretending. In twenty years, I'll barely remember Haruse's voice! But you'll always remember everything. So stop pretending your memory is normal, that's what I hate about you!"

"Okay. Okay. Okay, my memory isn't normal, because Yukikaze was - I had been - an idiot - and let sweet Raphy screw my memory, satisfied?! And I learned how to draw from Dad, so don't worry, if you ever forget.... Blackie, if you ever forget what Crowie looked like, or what Haru looked like, I can draw pictures - and pictures are, I've found, sometimes better than photos. More alive."

"Mhm... Thanks, Shi---- Sakura."

"You... you called me Sakura. You really called me by my very, very own name and you meant it, Blackie! I've always wished--"

"Stop this. I'm too young for that. If you disappear into feathers today, I'll be very cross with you when we next meet, Shirokaze-san."

"What?" Sakura almost laughed at that. And then he understood. "Oh, no, no, I don't think that's my third dream! Names are a big deal to me, unlike the Kaze-me, but they're not a huuuuuuuuuuge deal. Okay?"

"Okay." Kuro grumbled.

Aww, for an old geezer - well, still younger than Shiro - he was utterly adorable. Haruse would surely agree, right?

Hopefully, Haru wouldn't be jealous, not too much at least.


	22. 07G - Things I Cannot Do For Even Him // Made of Fears

# Things I Cannot Do Even For My Prince // Made of Cowardice, I Suppose

 

"You can come back now. Father allowed it."

Those were some strange words to wake up to. And so, they made him wake up too quickly and too urgently, accidently felling his own tent down in the process.

The exaspareted sigh that his dreams could not imitate quite properly (they would be able to, later, but only after certain angels did their thing) was all the evidence he needed - Krowell was truly here.

"He - he did, my Prince?"

Yukikaze wasn't sure when he knelt down on one knee, but since it was Krowell-sama's first visit in a week he wasn't surprised to find himself kneeling, either. Longing - wasn't that the right word?

Krowell-kun just nodded. With that slightly almost irritated look in his eyes, he was Krowell-kun for a second, not Krowell-sama. Though it rarely happened - but Kaze was glad when it did.

Not just because Krowell-kun, unlike Krowell-sama, could be kissed without asking---

Ouch.

"I'm not going to take you today, Yukikaze. Are you even listening? You can come back. As long as you behave _properly._ That's what my father allowed. Or can't you bear it? Then stay here, I doubt I can visit you more often than once a month. And so, the choice is yours."

Choice? Was his Prince kidding? What sort of choice was there?

"My Prince, where are we going home?"

Krowell-kun's smile was, Kaze was quite sure, the thing that was too bright too bear, if there was any such thing in current circumstances.

"And here I was beginning to think my Yukikaze was too lustful for simple things."

"Never, my Prince. It's called 'being teenager', my Prince, but it is not fatal, you shall see."

"Very well, then. We're going. But one more thing - I heard some servants talk of marking, you know the kind. I'm not taking you today, but how should I mark you?"

After a moment of thought, Yukikaze gingerly pointed at his own neck. "Maybe... here?"

Krowell sighed and shook his head. "Your nightmares would be too loud, they would wake me up. Not today, my Yukikaze."

"But, but, my Prince... if you were very gentle about it, then maybe---"

"Shhh. Why are you always desperate to prove that you're mine? I alredy do believe you are. And you would still tear yourself to prove to me that you are. Who disbelieves you?

After a moment of silence, Yukikaze, blushing slightly with embarassment, pointed at himself.

"Hm. That's what I thought. Tell yourself to believe yourself, that's my order."

"Yes, Krowell-sama."

Yukikaze decided he'd try his hardest to believe that he loves Krowell, no matter what anyone says. After all, Krowell-kun ordered him to.

Krowell looked thoughtful for a moment, busying himself with the tent because he, Kaze knew, disliked doing nothing even while thinking, and then muttered.

"One more order."

"Yes?"

"I'm not sure why, but I dislike the thought of you dying when you don't want to. So: Yukikaze, you're hereby ordered to die when you want to die, and not a moment earlier. Understood?"

"Yes, Krowell-kun!"

"Hey..."

"Yes?"

"Shouldn't it be 'Krowell-sama'? Otherwise, I feel as if you might disobey me."

"Yes, Krowell-kun." Yukikaze was grinning now, his mind now completely at ease. It was great that Krowell-sama didn't take him up on neck marking, and so, it was such a beatiful day now. And of course he'd try his harderst to obey all Krowell-sama's orders... though, about Krowell-kuns... well, who knew? Maaaybe.


	23. 07G - # I don't remember the number - Made of Wants

**#   - Made of Wants**

He was pretending to be asleep, honest he was, he was sooo pretending that he almost got a-asleep for real, his eyes heavier and heavier and heavier... but mommy knew, mommy always knew, when he was not a-asleep for real.

"What troubles you, Yuki-chan? You know we're safe in this Church." Mom's voice, so soft, so gentle, so cruel, not letting him pretend. Mommy's voice just like snow itself.

"Mama, I don't wanna be Yuki-chan. I wanna be Kaze-chan - like the wind. And then, I could fly---"

"Oh." Stern, soft, cruel, like snow. "But where would you fly, Yuki-chan? The walls are too high, and you don't want to lose your head. It'd be a sin, for a human being such as yourself."

 

Yes, mama was snow. Mama, Mom, Mutti--- Yuki-chan knew various Raggsian dialects, from Raggs and Antwort both - Mama was so soft and gentle and so cruel, too. Mama was snow, and she called him Snow.

 

But that was enough. Mama could be Snow, but he wished, oh how he wished - to not fall like snow, but raise like the Wind itself.

He wished...


	24. 07G - # I don't remember the number, to Edit - Made of Death is Life

**# - Made of Death is Life**

 

Yuki-chan never knew - never knew one could live without dying... ah, no, one could not.

Yuki-chan never knew - never knew one could live without the fear of death... yes, that was more true, somewhat, somewhat, indeed.

Yuki-chan never knew that.

Kaze asked.

The lavender eyes answered his question, answered it in the way that left no doubts at all.

Yukikaze was afraid of ceasing to live.

And so, he was no longer scared of dying. Because, he understood what it meant, when stupid wise people said in Church _there are things worse in death_ and Yukikaze knew, Yukikaze knew there were things worse then death, oh indeed, there were thousands of things worse then death, he knew that all, from the wise men, Bishops, Priests, mothers, fathers, siblings, servants, masters, Yukikaze knew.

Yukikaze knew.

Today, Yukikaze looked into lavender eyes, and wanted to kiss them, but didn't, because Krowell-sama was a little to busy studying, so that would wait.

Still, today, Yukikaze no longer knew.

Today, Yukikaze _believed._


	25. Begleiter - #2 - Made of Memory

**#2 - Made of Memory**

 

"If it's not rude to ask, what was he like? Serious, or like you, Hyuuga-sama? Outgoing like Suzu, or... well, like me?"

Yukinami wasn't sure if he should be asking. And he was twenty years old, so why was he suddenly acting like a child? Just because he recently thought, for the first time, that at certain angles, Ayanami-sama may be... handsome - was no reason to act like a child, no reason at all! What was suddenly wrong with him??

"I would show you a photo, but I think Aya-tan has all of them - hidden or burned, I've no clue.~"

That was profoundly unhelpful, Yukinami decided, which was usual, when it came to Hyuuga-sama and things that didn't decide whether Ayanami-sama lived or died.

 

____________

Now he wasn't even trying to fall asleep, even if it was three hours after midnight, because he knew that Suzunami has a day off tomorrow, and so--

"Yuki!! What are you doing tucked in your bed like a baby, I've told you I have a day off!"

"I know, hi, Suzu! Hey, Suzu, if I died, what would you do with photo--- nevermind!!"

"What? Yuki, do you have a fev---"

"Nevermind! That's not... I wasn't even asking about appearance. Hyuuga just didn't answer my question at all!"

Maybe he was being too loud, what with it being the middle of night and all.

Or maybe Hyuuga-sama was just slightly too frustrating, as a trusted-information-source-on-all-things-about-Ayanami-sama, and it was a wonder why Yuki fell into the same trap of Hyuuga every damned single time!


	26. Ausser Antwort - Made of Angel's Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course it wasn't normal that he remembered life before living one. Though the earliest he's truly understood it, truly and completely, well, or at least as much as toddler can, was when he was three.

**Ausser Antwort #  - Made of Angel's Touch // Made of Insanity?**

 

"For the last time, you've never been 'a kitten'!!"

His mother's voice only sounded that shrill right now, more shrill than ever, because she was being... concerned. Though he really didn't appreciate the kitten and the old guy telling him this much, as if he was too young to understand on his own.

Or was he?

Was he too young?

If there was no kitten in his head, and no old guy (or not so old? he was mother's age, maybe...? Or even younger???), would he _not_ understand that angry mom wasn't just angry mom, was concerned mom, and concerned mom could be concerned because she had no kitten and no guy in her head, and so.

Was that why?

Sometimes, he even knew why he remembered. When he was dreaming particularly deeply, or if his fever was soooooooooo high.

That's when he feared angels of all kinds.

Feared them so, so, so, so, so much.

Being three people is not nice.

Not nice at all, the small boy's decided. He wished he could be just one person, without having any past of being another.

Was that... was that how.... felt.... when....

No, no, no, he was not going to let him remember him and ponder that. Nope!

Nodding to himself, and stomping his foot, firm in this decision at least and at last (because if he remembered him remembering him too much than he had no chance of being himself at all, or did he?), he looked his mother in the eyes and muttered,

"It's fine, mom. At least I never had lavender eyes. Then I'd be bad word -d. Soooo much. Because then I'd be even more people!"

"Bad worded?"

"Uhm... if I cuss, I think you be worried?"

Mom sighed and turned away.

"And besides, cats don't cuss much and soldiers don't do it as often as peeps think," he added helpfully, so that his mom could get the full picture. Satisfied with himself now, and deciding not to dream about the guy, and to dream about the cat instead if he really had to about any previous one, the toddler went to his bed.

 


End file.
